I didn't go to the National Diploma Gathering last year, and I'd decided not to go this year either - partly because I felt so disengaged from the diploma process, and partly because it felt like there was so much to do here. But circumstances and mindset changed a little, and I found myself in Birmingham last weekend very much re-engaged.
I had many conversations with all kinds of people, and little snippets have stayed with me and made me re-frame my thinking.
Write things down
A conversation on the first night with Matt made me think about living now, rather than waiting until everything is perfect. Looby Macnamara gave a presentation about several of her own designs in which she talked about the importance of the names we give to things in shaping how we think about them. She also said we don't need to have finished implementing a design to finish writing about it - obvious really but something that was holding me back.
Think carefully about what you do and read
I had a long conversation with Jan from The Snail of Happiness blog, which made me realise how much I've missed making things, and another one with Jo, who I'd not met before, about social media, and how she tries to think of online time the same as offline, asking herself 'would I spend time with these people in real life?' The mental picture of my kitchen filled with people from my Twitter feed at 7am was quite frightening.
Live now, not in the future
In a workshop with Klaudia von Gool we used permaculture design to address an area of life where we'd like to make a change, and I thought about our situation with the house, and how I've become so focused on the vision (our new house, and how long it's going to take us to get it), that the process of decorating itself has become quite toxic and damaging to both our relationship and us individually.
The problem is the solution
I talked to Kt Shepherd about permaculture as a regenerative system, and how we could use permaculture design in all areas of our lives. I knew this already of course, but in my head I was 'saving' some of my diploma designs for the new house, meaning 'not moving house yet' was standing in the way of me getting on with my diploma. This conversation, and Andy Goldring from the Permaculture Association talking about pathways to continue with learning beyond the diploma, really helped me to think about (a) how I could use permaculture to design my way out of the hole I feel I'm stuck in, and (b) how I might actually finish my diploma this side of retirement.
- Zone 1 - things I do several times a day
- Zone 2 - once a day
- Zone 3 - once a week
- Zone 4 - once a month
- Zone 5 - less often
Even just thinking about this for a few minutes was revealing, and I vowed to use a few minutes over breakfast each morning to work on my diploma - specifically putting my almost-completed projects onto this website, which I've now started doing. This happily has several functions
- I avoid being a virtual 'room' of angry people before breakfast
- Diploma projects get finished and written up
- I feel I have some time that is mine before work each day
- These months of decorating have an output (my diploma) other than 'the house being finished'
As a result of this thinking and several other conversations, I've developed a new design (which may or may not make it into my portfolio) - 'Living here and now'. This is, I suppose, an extension of my 'Making life manageable' design I wrote about back in August, but with a more positive name, and specifically about what is happening right now than about working towards where I want to be.
I decided the first thing was to repeat what I did in June 2015 and look at my activities in terms of inputs (energy) and outputs (yields). Looking back at what I did then is quite revealing. Since that post, I've left my old job (which had a two hour bus/train/bus commute each way) and now work 1.5 miles from home - but I don't have Fridays off any more. I left my slimming group (not a great loss), allotment group (I still miss both the people and the outdoor work but it was the right decision), I'm doing more cycling and less running, and I've incorporated something I used to do 'voluntarily' into my working day.
Plus
- I love my new job - I have a lot of room for creativity and freedom over how I use my time. I'm also paid more than I was before, and have more job satisfaction.
- I enjoy playing with the flute choir, which gives me a creative musical outlet that I don't have from anywhere else.
- I'm enjoying cycling to work, and feel I'm getting fitter. It's also encouraging me to cycle to other places, and means I'm using buses, taxis and the car a little less.
- I've learned many new DIY skills over the last few months, and our house is (very) slowly getting closer to being finished.
Minus
- My emotional energy is being drained by both a small bit of voluntary work that I do, and by the amount of support I give to others as part of my job.
- I'm also being incredibly drained by the process of decorating, the constant upheaval of living in chaos for the last two years, inability to do simple housekeeping because of the mess, and the amount of conflict this is causing in our home.
- I've been neglecting my diploma, seeing it as 'just another thing' on the list of too many things to do.
Interesting
- I'm not making the most of the opportunities and support networks I have. For example, I'm part of a support group which I attend weekly, but I'm not contacting people outside of this, or using the tools I have to deal with the stress I'm feeling.
- I'm spending far more time thinking (and getting cross) about DIY than actually doing it - I'm not using my time remotely effectively. I've also stopped doing several things (most voluntary work, crafting, even reading) supposedly so we can get the house finished quicker - but this is doing nothing but make me feel resentful about the process.
- I hadn't considered using my diploma to design my way out of the negative spiral I feel I'm in. This would both help me feel more positive, and get my diploma closer to completion, giving me a sense of achievement.
Being intentional
I will be more intentional in my use of time. Not necessarily filling every moment with 'productive' activities, but when I am at work, focusing on being at work. When I am doing DIY, focusing on the skills I am learning (not how much more there is to do). When I am not doing those things, consciously planning my leisure time to include things that will nourish me (reading, knitting, writing letters), not just chasing internet rabbit holes.
Focusing on the good
We started some workshops at the weekend by each stating something we were grateful for, and it was a great way of encouraging a positive and thankful frame of mind. I'm going to do this each morning, and whenever I feel myself getting into a spiral of negative thinking.
I'm grateful for the strength and skill which allows me to plaster a wall. I'm grateful for a job where I can support others. I'm grateful for the support of other people and I will make better use of it.
I will make use of the support networks I have and be mindful of getting what yields I can from the activities I do. Where possible, I will make one element give many functions, and will stack my activities together. So, for example, I can cycle a longer way to work, giving me more exercise, a burst of nature before I spend all day in the office, and a bit of time to myself. I can use permaculture principles to design a new course for work - turning something I have to do anyway into a potential portfolio design.
Being careful what I let in the door
I read this phrase a long time ago in a book of essays by Barbara Kingsolver, and I've pondered it ever since. I need (and want) to keep a vague grasp of current affairs for work - but I don't need to read the opinions of anyone and everyone about everything. I will be more mindful about what I read.
Aligning my activities with my values
I feel disconnected from my own values at the minute. Much of my food comes from a supermarket, I'm in the car far more often than I'd like, I'm not growing anything, not sewing, crocheting, reading, not even doing much writing. I've done voluntary work all my adult life, usually conversation, environmental education, community gardening - outside, with other like minded people, low stress, building community, very different from work.
Right now I only do a small amount of voluntary work supporting troubled teenagers - I fell into it, and while it's supposedly a good thing, I don't always agree with the way things are done, and at the minute it brings me a lot of stress and feels it takes a lot of energy with no yield for me (and not much for the other people involved). I'm going to let this go shortly, and while I don't want to commit to a regular weekend activity at the minute, I will consider switching my voluntary work to maybe something that involves crafting in some way, for now.